My friend DB and I discovered that you can purchase cheap champagne at the local mini mart run my our dear Indian friend that has been trying to unload pipes on us for the past month "buy one get one free, buy one get one free!" echoes in my head constantly. Anyway Cook's champagne was discovered about a week ago and we decided that not only is it not bad at all but that it's 2 bottles for $22. Being the bargain that that is we decided that getting totally wasted on it was an amazing plan since nothing but good can come from getting hammered. WRONG. The first night that this all started was when I had a bottle of this disgusting kiwi strawberry pinnacle we did shots and then DB proceeded to drape herself in my giant $14,000 PURPLE silver fox fur coat and drive through the taco bell drive through. After we got home we ate and drunkenly Netflix-ed the night away and woke up with hangovers like true champs. Not only that but we also took 20mg of Lexapro which was not a great mixture. I then proceeded to have hung over sex with JL the next morning and walk into my Algebra exam 20 minutes late which inevitably I failed. Feeling down on my spirits DB did what any good friend would do. She said we should get wasted again the next night, I of course obliged because now that I had failed my exam I could at least celebrate not having any responsibilities till August which is good enough reason for me to get hammered. So DB asks me what she should get, of course I say Champagne. She goes to the mini mart and discovers the bargain that is Cook's and shows up at my house with one bottle and a Lexapro prescription. After one bottle, two pill's each and about 43 mental break downs we hop in DBs car and go on a hunt for another bottle. She ran over quite a few of those construction road cones, apparently we didn't realize how drunk we were until we actually got in the car. I also decided somewhere along the way that JL had for sure impregnated me and that in case that the one bottle I had downed hadn't killed the spawn I would need to know immediately so we went to the pharmacy and DB proceeded to steal two pregnancy tests. Normally we don't steal but this wasn't us this was two very drunk girls that had no idea what they were doing. We also purchased a package of gummy peach rings. After that we proceeded to go to Steak & Shake and order fries, while we waited we went into the bathroom and both peed on sticks, hers was a very clear not pregnant and mine was a slightly less clear not pregnant, according to her I didn't get enough pee on it. Whoopsie. Anyway after we confirmed that I'm most likely not pregnant we ran out of Steak & Shake with our diet coke's and fries in hand and proceeded to go back to my house where we watched Netflix and I passed out on my floor while DB passed out on the day bed in my guest room. We woke up the next day with slight hangovers and parted ways. Later that afternoon my mother offered to treat me to Starbucks and like any smart hung over girl I obliged. While at Starbucks I get a text from DB asking if I want to hang out with her and her friend. I met with them around 7pm and we ate Macaroons, everything was going smoothly until I had the bright idea that nothing would go better with Macaroons than Cook's. So we went to our favorite mini mart located conveniently down the street from where we were hanging out. We then drove to the top of a parking garage and proceeded to drink our Cook's out of plastic cups or if you're me, with a straw straight out of the bottle. We polished off one bottle together and then I had them drop me off because I looked retched and didn't want to go to some high school party with them but this wasn't before I had the bright idea for them to take me to visit JL who long story short I thought I totally fucked up with but later I found that I had done absolutely nothing wrong (that was my smashed dream) not as bad as you would think. However after DB dropped me off her and BG proceeded to drink another 2 bottles plus other alcoholic drinks. She woke up sans a boyfriend, a Michael Kors watch and an IPhone. Luckily within the next few hours she located her IPhone and convinced her (now long distance) boyfriend he was an idiot for breaking up with her so they got back together, however still no word on Michael Kors watch. I guess her smashed dreams were worst than mine. Luckily all was fixed for the most part and I'm left looking forward to our next Cook's adventure. I'm sure I'll have plenty of hysterical details to share.
XXX
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